TFD

Total Fatigue Day.
Perennial allergies -- severe -- for the past few days. Inflammation all over, especially knees, ankles, and neck. Spasticity. Tension. Lowered seizure threshold. Freezing hands and feet.
I am giving myself permission to complain.
Dear body, get better or else.

I've been doing some research on cerebral palsy's effects overall, how it leads to other disorders and problems down the road. Things my doctors never explained. I am learning about it all through talking with other members of the cerebral_palsy community.
http://community.livejournal.com/cerebral_palsy/176792.html
This post made me realize many things. And made me understand just what I need to do to work with myself.
I remember physical therapy as a child. That's it. Not sitting down with various doctors to discuss what might happen in my adult years with other medical problems; certainly not epilepsy or inflammatory disorders or allergies or fatigue problems or breathing problems or hypersensitivity or anxiety. Then again, everyone was too busy concentrating on the therapy. I understand.

I'm not exhausted enough to want to sleep, not energized enough to even climb stairs.

Lunch break in less than an hour. I'll see how I feel after food. No refined sugars. My body asks for chicken and mushrooms and citrus fruit, maybe a banana. My boss should have his miraculous homeopathic allergy anti-inflammatory tincture in the office if I still feel like hell.

bisexuality

Last night I had a dream in which Charlotte and I slept together for the first time, and I now recall a coversation she and I had a few months ago, about being a bisexual woman married to a man. I think I'm pondering on it because I was reading several messages on forums by lesbians, who feel that bisexuals are stupid, disgusting people, that bisexuality is stupid, that you should be attracted to either men or women but not both, etc. And of course my first thought was, You yourselves face constant discrimination for being lesbians, yet you so readily and happily strike down bisexual women because they like men as well as women? What the bloody fuck is wrong with you people?

It's just... bizarre. So bizarre. And so inane. I didn't even realize I was bisexual until long after Adam and I started dating -- he was the one who encouraged me. We even had a rule that if I ever did want to have sex with a woman, he'd allow it as long as he knew the details. And so far, I have only kissed and groped, and only a few very close female friends, two of whom I love dearly. Charlotte was the very first, however. But she and I have been friends for as long as I have been with Adam; she and Billy were dating around the same time. Billy and Adam are perfectly fine with our potential sexual feelings, and often jokingly encourage it.

The day I was reading up on Billie Piper, I came across an image of her wearing a white tank top and white panties. I pointed to it, looked at my husband and said, "I want that. All wrapped up in green and red ribbons with whipped cream." And he happily agreed.
I am often the first to point out a beautiful woman; I don't get jealous when he does. I believe this is a healthy thing for our relationship. The fact that I like women's bodies as much as he does makes it fun to stare together.

I just... I just wish I understood why the hell bisexuality is viewed as "wrong" by some members of the gay community, as much as it is by straight homophobics.

for your amusement

A bunny sipping cocoa
A ferret chatting on a cell phone

And you, listening to Banana Phone.

Yay.

I feel better, by the way.