The Return To Innocence

The "The Greek Gods" Greek yogurt in Honey is one of my favorite yogurts ever. Their Pomegranate flavor is second.

(And I become incredibly perplexed when someone scolds me for liking it because it doesn't match up to the brand they like: which apparently comes imported from the inside of a magic mountain somewhere in Greece made from the milk of pampered special cows who eat magic grass that grows around the magic valley flowing around the magic mountain, and also the folks who make the yogurt are genetic mages and witches, and every so often the god Pan comes along and separates the curds from the whey and plays a magic song to make the cows happy. I never recall the name of this magic yogurt, because once it is spoken by an asshole, it fades from my memory, and all I can think is "Something Something Dark Side Real Greek Yogurt? I don't even know?". But remember - this is not my The Greek Gods yogurt, this is The Yogurt Snobs' yogurt, which is magically Greek, made with help from actual Greek gods. Which is apparently not the The Greek Gods yogurt. Remember that part.)

Seriously, though. This is really good yogurt. It's supremely creamy and rich and filling and it tastes like how full yogurt should taste without thickeners. I mean the one I like. The brand The Greek Gods. Which apparently is not the brand the naysayers of The Greek Gods Yogurt approve of. The main reason I love the The Greek Gods yogurt is because it helps keep me full when I have trouble eating due to various neurochemical eating problems. I would rather have all the calories than the thickeners pretending to be filling, am I right?

http://the-toast.net/2013/08/21/suggestions-for-street-harassment/

I really like this idea.
Considering what constantly happens to me, there would be a lot of strangers wearing black Pretty Pretty Princess Jewelry.

In related news: It happened in the local shopping center this afternoon. A young guy yelled out, "Hey! Smile, gorgeous! You'd look so much prettier! You need to smile! The world isn't so horrible!" And I stopped. I turned and looked him in the face. That made him stop and look at me. I parted my lips, then put my middle fingers to the corners of my mouth and lifted my mouth up in a forced grin. The guy's eyes widened. I said loudly*, "I'm disabled! I have muscle spasms! Sometimes it hurts to smile on command!" I kept smiling, and it must have unnerved him, because he walked away quickly. When I turned around to head into the grocery store, I noticed a few people in front of the coffee shop clapping and smiling. A woman came forward and asked if I was okay. I gave her a genuine smile and told her that everything was fine.

(*Loudly only because cerebral palsy tends to affect control of the respiratory muscles, which I recently learned by talking to other adults with cerebral palsy. Finally, I am learning things about myself that I always suspected.)

Also!
Frozen Mangosteen Juice With Pulp, 10 oz, thawed and perfectly awesome.
I firmly believe that mangosteen is one of those little treatments for my depression episodes.

And there have been a couple of studies that say enough mangosteen in high doses acts as a painkiller and anti-inflammatory very similar to a particular corticosteroid drug called Dexamethasone, which I find absolutely fascinating.

Handwaving that part, I just want to be excited about how tasty mangosteen is. And they say you only need three ounces a day for any kind of medical treatment. So if I go to H-Mart and get several of these ten ounce jars, I should be set for a few weeks.
http://www.entheogen-network.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=8416
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/benefits-of-mangosteen-fruit.html
No matter what, mangosteen is awesome.

And this is the thing about major depression that many people don't realize, understand, or believe.
You can really, actually feel a kind of happiness, you can laugh and joke and feel uplifted. It's just that sometimes it feels horribly fake to you, or that once it's all over you feel shame and guilt and worse sadness.
When they say laughter is medicine, it is absolutely true. But when you are in a clinical depression episode, laughter can often feel strange and uncertain and alien. I do it anyway. I have to. I find things to make me laugh. I ask people to tell me great jokes. I look for hilarious things on YouTube, like this one, a filk mock-up of "Hey There Delilah" called "Hey There Chthulhu" - certainly brilliant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut82TDjciSg
Or maybe those mock-ups of songs from Portal the game (which I've never played). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U_RvUYINpo

And naturally there are my favorite television programs, the ones that make me laugh, comedy or not.

The important thing for me is that during an episode, I try to keep my mood as elevated as I can. Because sinking deeper and deeper makes it so much more difficult to feel better, to get well, to recover, to treat myself, to get help. Even just writing reminders to laugh at certain things can help me.

But above all: Yes, you can laugh and be social and be happy while depressed. What happens on the inside various from person to person. I can only speak for myself.

Migraine and fibromyalgia flare can't help. Bah.

Somehow, my neighborhood area rarely gets hit with all the weather that hits everything around it.
Mom called to say, "So, I hear all the towns and cities in Montgomery County got slammed all over with a tornado. Are you okay?"
And I blinked and said, "Wait... tornado? OH. Right! Tornado! No, we just had a violent screaming thunderstorm that sent me panicking into my bedcovers after taking anxiety drugs."
Later, Adam called from his job in Las Vegas (101 degrees, dry heat) and asked how our community area had fared. I told him that it was wet. And fine. Not even a power outage.
I'm starting to think all the magic and psychic shielding that he and I had placed around our house has extended to our community. Or something. Who knows. Like, if trees get knocked down from storms, it's always in the neighborhood next to ours. If a water main breaks, it's one around the corner that doesn't affect us. If there is a local power outage for us, it doesn't last long. If there is a random screaming gunfight, it's far away enough that we're not bothered beyond having to call 911. Any sort of major damage somehow becomes far less damaging once it reaches where I live. Now I just feel weird.
And now I shall knock on every piece of wood in the house. Including the maple tree in front.

I have no idea how the weather will act tomorrow, but I hope to do a little more grocery shopping. It's gotten to the point where I've stopped giving a fuck if I get caught in the rain. It washes my hair for me.

Oh my gods, I have watched this four times and I will watch it again and again because awesome. They are so adorable. I think most of this must have been unscripted, especially Quinto laughing at Nimoy acting out Spock's radiation death scene.
The nerve pinch bit might be my favorite.
Also, Leonard Nimoy singing his old pre-Trek Bilbo Baggins song? AWWW.



My ex-Marine friend A. owns a custom Audi named Amy, and she really is a nifty car. On our first outing, after I told A. that high speeds freak me out, we got on a highway and he told me to close my eyes and guess how fast we were going. I guessed sixty. He told me to look. We were going ninety. I hadn't even felt a thing. Amy is custom-made for him because he is paralyzed in his left arm and shoulder, so he needs computerized lots of things, and Audi is his favorite car, and he has a trust fund and help from the military and disability insurance and such, since his car is considered specifically to help his disabilities. I find that fascinating. But yeah, Audi cars are really smooth.

Obvious observation is obvious! We have Weather in Gaithersburg and Rockville. We have pounding rain and howling wind. I needed to mail a letter, so I put on a weather-resistant coat and walked the 90 seconds to the parking lot mailbox and the 90 seconds back to the townhouse. My hair was soaked which I didn't care about; my boots, socks, and jeans got soaked, which I didn't care about. Whatever. Also, yes, we have electricity and everything.

Also, I learned that if you apply a few coats of nail polish, wait five minutes, and then stick your hands in the freezer for five minutes, the polish will dry and harden much faster. Naturally, this may come with risks for people like me, with Raynaud's Disease, fibromyalgia, hypersensitivity, Sensory Processing Disorder, and plain old severe dislike of coldness. However, it works, so I deal with it.

Adam and I went to Wal-Mart yesterday to buy me a back brace, a knee brace, and an elbow brace. And I had... well, a social encounter. I know I'm not supposed to *ahem this is un-PC* Feed The Crazies. But she followed me and yelled at me, and in my mind, feeding her knowledge was the right thing to do.

I was browsing the health and beauty section for my favorite hairbrush, and a woman came up, looked at my cane, looked at me, and said, "So, since you're disabled, who are you voting for?"After a few seconds of blankness, blinking, and turning this phrase over and over, I said, "I am voting for who I want to vote for."
The lady said, "Okay, but do you have kids or do you want kids?" And I said, "No, I am too disabled for pregnancy and I also don't want kids."
The lady said, "Oh, I bet you're one of those people who supports abortion, like if you got pregnant you would kill the baby just because you're selfish and evil."
Again, there were a few seconds of blankness, blinking, and absorbing the phrasing. I said, "Well, I am firmly pro-choice because I believe in the option, ability, and freedom of every human being to make personal decisions on what to do with their own bodies. This includes choosing to keep a pregnancy as well as terminate a pregnancy. I choose to not have a pregnancy due to severe anxiety, phobia, medical problems, and no desire whatsoever to be pregnant. That is my own personal decision. I would not attempt to ever push my personal decision on anyone else."
The lady sneered and said, "So if you got pregnant, you would murder a baby just because you don't feel well and you don't want it. I don't care how handicapped you are, I hope Satan pulls you into hell by his own hand, and God will laugh."
I took a very deep breath. I forced myself to smile. I reached out to the hairbrush rack and grabbed the hairbrush I'd been after, a Goody So Smooth Boar Blends Ceramic Style Brush. I looked at the lady, smiled widely, and said, "Well, it was nice talking to you. I'm off to find my husband. He should have my special braces for my back, knee, and elbow now. Have a good day!"Before she could say another word, I walked off as quickly as my limp and cane allowed.
She did get the last word, though. At the top of her lungs she howled "Sinner. God hates you! He will judge you, cripple! He will hate you for eternity!"
Oh, gods, I wonder what would have happened if I had told her Iwas not religious, ethnically Jewish, and a polytheist pantheist pagan witch.

The amusing part was that every single person within earshot stared at her open-mouthed, and then stared at me, whom she was pointing at. A couple of people walked beside me and said, "Oh, honey, are you okay? We heard everything. We're on your side, you know. That is a beautiful pro-choice argument."
I smiled, relieved, and said, "I'm fine. And it's not so much about choice. It's about ability and freedom, and personal responsibility, no matter how a woman views a pregnancy. Maybe she is right. Maybe I am selfish. But I would rather save my own body and mind, you know?" I was told, "And that's fine. I've never understood how that could be a bad thing. You don't want pregnancies or children. That's not a bad thing. Getting an abortion if you believe it is necessary is not at all a bad thing. I just wish it wasn't such a political issue. Hell, if I had a uterus and a vagina, I would fight for the same thing!" The man gently patted my shoulder and the woman asked if she could hug me. Getting a hug from a kind stranger can be so wonderful.

Finally, I met up with Adam and his cart. I had also bought a bunch of socks, the No Nonsense brand. Super comfort.

I also need to find more Goody So Smooth Boar Blends Boar/Ceramic Styler Brushes. They seem to be rare these days. Goody Also makes this awesome similar brush called Smooth Penetrate Quick Drying Boar Bristle Brush, which us silver instead of brown. Good stuff. I love brushes that blend boar and plastic bristles.
Ooh, and the Body Shop makes a brush with all bamboo brushes, nice and thick Olivia Garden makes a brush with part boar and part bamboo bristles, which I've had for a while, and as long as I keep using my trusty brush cleaner it will last for quite a while.

Oh, I hurt. I hurt so much I don't even want to describe it. But you knew that.

Because the other day, my yogurt needed more cowbell.

You're welcome.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/730079/

Well, scientists have just learned that medical cannabis does not destroy lungs and that medical cannabis compounds can stop metastasis in several aggressive cancers. They also said that cannabis compounds can also relieve and even treat certain types of pain and symptoms from various severe diseases. In fact, the scientist who originally claimed that cannabis destroys lung tissue has now taken it all back after doing more studies, and is now advocating the legalization of medical cannabis.

http://healthland.time.com/2012/01/10/study-smoking-marijuana-not-linked-with-lung-damage/
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=large-study-finds-no-link
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/19/marijuana-and-cancer_n_1898208.html *

Everybody facepalm and headdesk after me: You mean it took science twenty years to figure out something that everybody had already known for centuries? Really? Wow. I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

You mean a plant that has been maligned, criticized in smear campaigns, falsely shown to be dangerous in every way, stereotyped as evil, discriminated against by racist authoritative idiots, and treated as one of the worst drugs known to humankind in the United States... you mean, that now scientists have started saying, out loud, in public, that perhaps maybe, maybe, JUST MAYBE, this plant might not be any of that after all, and that it might actually have extremely beneficial healing powers for certain patients and certain medical conditions, that SOME PEOPLE who are suffering from CERTAIN HEALTH CONDITIONS might actually feel honest, happy RELIEF? Maybe even permanently for some? REALLY? *

This is my shocked face: :\

*Now, I am fully aware that many people are unable to ingest, smoke, or otherwise consume cannabis for many reasons, such as allergies, very negative side effects, negative past experiences, etc etc.
However, there are many people who are fully able to consume cannabis in multiple ways without negative side effects, or with very few negative side effects, or very positive effects, and they would all really really appreciate it if people who are displeased or discriminatory toward cannabis would not judge, scold, or show prejudice toward them and their loved ones. Even if those people have not consumed the plant in a very long time but are still advocating and cheering it for its medical use. *coughMEcough*
(Shhh - I recently learned, from a physician's aid, that medical cannabis may be decriminalized and medically available in more and more places very soon.)

*(Now, about that Huffington Post source: Normally, I cannot stand a lot of what comes out of The Huffington Post; I find it to often be ridiculous, eyerolling, and very very annoying. But I've been seeing the same interviews on other sites, especially actual science and news sites. The Huffington Post article was just the first one I saw.)

Because the meme I originally linked to on Facebook kind of irritated me and some of my more able-bodied friends with the author's answers, I'm doing my own.
(http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/30-things-about-my-invisible-illness-you-may-not-know/)


1. The illness I live with is: *deep breath* Cerebral palsy (spastic-ataxic hemiplegia), Spastic Hypertonia (with spastic hemiparesis and intention tremors), Fibromyalgia, Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, Asthma, Raynaud's Disease (primary), Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Attention Deficit Disorder (non-hyperactive), Dyscalculia, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (mild), Sciatica, Hyperlordosis, Migraines, Non-Allergic Rhinitis (mainly gustatory), Anorexia Nervosa (recovering), Chondromalacia Patella, Joint Pain (overall), Clinical Depression (mild to moderate), Anxiety Disorder (general and social)

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Birth in April 1979 up to age 32?

3. But I had symptoms since: Birth.

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: Understanding that there are many things I can do but there are many things I need to forever compromise on and compensate for. Like, I really can do lots of things but it will hurt like hell, it will be quite difficult, and I must find my own methods. Also, really needing to make all of that known and understood so people understand that I have Medical Issues and can't do everything the way they do.

5. Most people assume: That I don't look disabled. That I'm really cute when I'm angry and therefore I can't actually get angry. That I am completely weak in every way.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Waking up without agony. Getting out of bed without agony. Crying myself awake because it hurts too much. Actually waking up at a decent morning hour before 11:00 AM.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: I'm not sure I have one. Any SF/F show featuring futuristic or magical healing tools? Babylon 5, Star Trek TNG, Star Trek DS9, Farscape, Star Trek VOY, Star Trek ENT, Battlestar Galactica, Caprica, and Futurama come to mind. And I loved M*A*S*H when I was younger.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Laptop, Smartphone.

9. The hardest part about nights are: Sleep without constant pain and constant waking. Nightmares. Nightmares with pain.

10. Each day I take: Seven or eight pharmaceutical pills, at least twice as many supplement and vitamin pills. Did you want the whole list?

11. Regarding alternative treatments: I was actually raised on them, as my mother didn't really trust pharmaceuticals (I was, of course, vaccinated, since you don't fuck with that, and vaccines are important to me). When I was younger, I echoed my mom's somewhat fervent desire for supplements and alternatives over prescriptions, and as a result I didn't get properly medically treated for epilepsy and fibromyalgia for many years. Eventually, I got the fuck over that and started taking pharmaceutical drugs that helped so much and I was grateful and felt stupid. I still go for alternative treatments when I can, but I carefully balance them with the pharmaceuticals. I refuse to be one of those people who thinks All Big Pharma Is Evil and Alternative Treatments Are The Best Way To Save Us. I am profoundly grateful for vaccines, for seizure drugs, for depression and anxiety drugs, for pain drugs. I don't know where I would be without them. But at the same time, if I can find an alternative or supplemental treatment that works better for me for an issue, I will go with that. It's called supplement and alternative for a reason.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Both. The cerebral palsy classifies as visible, although mine is mild enough to be less visible to those who aren't looking for it. And those symptoms are very evident when I am tired enough. The rest of the pack, being mostly invisible, classify as ice-breaking conversation starters to bounce off the cerebral palsy. I'd rather someone see me hobbling, ask questions, then learn about the rest.

13. Regarding working and career: I worked in library settings from age 18 to age 30. Some people expressed surprise that I was able to work for so long without falling apart, including the judge who granted me SSDI. But that proved how strong I was. I miss working. I miss lots of things. But now that I am on disability from my government, I plan on making the most of doctors and healing and treatments, so I can get on with my desired career as a novelist. I want to write fantasy novels and stories and I think I can manage that.

14. People would be surprised to know: That I have so many issues, because plenty of people have expressed wonder and shock that I have stuff really wrong with me (See: But you don't look disabled!).

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: New reality? I've been like this since I was a child, so I've already accepted. But I suppose my newest reality is that the government deems me disabled enough to receive money and assistance, and at first that was hard to accept. I was bouncing between "Yay, they think I'm disabled and worth it! I'm so relieved!" and "Aww, shit, they think I'm disabled and worth it. I'm sad now." In fact, I kind of felt like Fry in that Futurama episode "A Fishfull Of Dollars" when he learns that he has billions in his bank account from his being frozen for a thousand years with his account earning all that interest, and his response is to hyperventilate, foam at the mouth, and collapse. When I saw that my back-pay had been deposited, my heart skipped a beat and I started whimpering.
I've watched the system being constantly abused by citizens who aren't disabled and somehow got through and that right there is hard to accept without blackout raging anger. Like, I and many truly disabled friends spent years getting denied and waiting and waiting before we were approved, and these cheating assholes worm their way in? Blackout raging anger. Yeah, that's hard to accept.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Survive. There were doctors who honestly thought I would not live past thirty without severe issues. On one hand, they had a point, as I started snowballing downhill once I turned thirty. But three years later, I am alive and doing all right. I plan on being ninety and playing wheelchair games with my husband.

17. The commercials about my illness: Never seem to show people under the age of forty. Younger people have these problems too!

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I was never good at it, but dancing. If I hadn't been born with the brain damage that led to all these disorders, I probably would have been a dancer and martial artist. I mean, a dancer and a martial artist without disabilities. I know there are plenty of disabled dancers and martial artists. I know I could technically train to become a dancer and martial artist with/despite my disabilities. My point is, I wish I could be an "able-bodied" dancer and martial artist.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: That gymnastics class when I was seven and that tai chi class when I was sixteen. And a bunch of other stuff. Like physical work that I really wanted to keep doing. Mental and intellectual work. Actually feeling smart, even though I hate the whole "Intelligent Quotient" concept. I mean, I used to win high school spelling competitions without trying, leading the other kids to cheer like sports fanatics and chant my name until they were hoarse. And when I came in second place, they chanted even harder and I spent weeks being treated like a champion, being asked to spell "popcorn" and "Doritos" in the cafeteria. Now my brain actually stutters. Fuck a bunch of that.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Qigong exercises, holistic skin care.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Not have it. Some of my medicines give me a few hours of feeling some kind of "normal" and I just keep going. So I would just do what I do. However, if I really wanted to take advantage of feeling normal for a whole day, I would go dancing and do some serious martial arts training. And then I would curl up crying at the end, because it was only one day and it was like a massive fucking tease.

22. My illness has taught me: Everyone is fallible. No matter how smart, no matter how knowledgeable, no matter what they study. Also that the only person who truly knows me and my disabilities is me. And that anyone who claims to have my "cure" or "permanent treatment" is probably full of shit. The world is full of things we don't understand.
Also? It has taught me to laugh. A lot. To make fun of my disabilities. To enjoy silly stories, to make other people laugh. That is so important. I need to laugh as much as I can.

23. Want to know a secret? I twitch and feel bubbling anger whenever someone tries to explain what is wrong with me without truly knowing me. I mean, I have strong desires to punch them, or throw them against a wall, or do something rather violent and vicious. And I do nothing because I just don't want to hurt someone who is probably just assuming they can help.

24. But I love it when people: Listen. Understand. Express honest sympathy and/or empathy. Offer help in little ways. Ask me questions. Honestly want to know what is wrong and how to help in their own ways. Not insist that they can "cure" me. Listen. Laugh with me. Put me at ease. Again, listen to me.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "It's all good."

26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: You are not alone. You are never alone. It won't be easy. It may never be easy. You are your own best advocate, and you will need yourself. Make sure you have a support group. Make sure you are loved and understood. But mostly, treat yourself well. Laugh with yourself. Be as happy as you can. Treat yourself well.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I have been surprised by the community. Other people dealing with this? Advocating for our rights to live as any "able bodied" person? And I can help just by writing? Sign me up.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: There is no one thing. It is the friends who offered to drive me places. It is the friends who helped me with chores and errands. It is the friends who helped stretch out my limbs and massage my muscles and gave me very helpful information. It is the friends who mad me laugh until I cried breathlessly. It is the friends who dedicated things to me. It is the friends who told me how deeply they loved me. It is the friends who really listen and understand and know me without question.

29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Wait, we have a week?

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Maybe like I’m doing something right. Maybe.

I shall not be seeing this movie because scary, but this is good enough.
http://m15m.livejournal.com/23209.html
(Prometheus In Fifteen Minutes, by Cleolinda Jones)

(Also: Spoiler Warning! If you have not seen the movie and want to see it and hate spoilers, do not click, because spoilers. Also, spoilers. There, I warned you. There are spoilers in this link about the 'Prometheus' film. I mean it.
If you want to read something really funny or don't care about spoilers or don't want to see the movie and want funny spoilers or all of the above, click on. It's really funny. Also, this is a comedic review of the movie "Prometheus" with spoilers.)

(Also: The reason I say the above is because you would not believe the screeching and capslock and harrumphing and accusations of betrayal I have gotten in the past for spoiling films and shows and books even a little. Personally, I love spoilers and would welcome them no matter the franchise, because I hate suspense. I am the type of fan who, if watching the film on something with a fast forward button, will fast forward past the suspenseful bits to get to the good parts. I will actively seek out spoilers. I genuinely, literally, am completely unable to understand or relate to spoilerphobia, which I honestly find foreign and strange. However, I have learned my lesson, and I have learned to post long paragraphs with the word "spoiler" written throughout at least half a dozen times, because I will not be held responsible for the clicking and reading.)

I hate scary movies. I hate zombie movies, I hate gory movies, I hate psychological torture horror movies, I hate torture porn movies. However, I enjoy reading spoilerific reviews and recaps, because then I don't have to actually watch what happens.
Also: The reason I was able to read the notorious My Little Pony fanfic "Cupcakes" is because I allowed myself to nitpick all the editing issues and snark at the craziness with the violent torture, vivisection, body horror, and live cannibalism procedures (I also apologize for even mentioning it because some fans can't look at Pinkie Pie the same way); I just imagined it as a comedic cross between Sweeney Todd, Buffalo Bill, Ed Gein, and Jack The Ripper, which yes, is kind if insane).

Sometimes some things do need to be laughed at, seriously, otherwise nightmares happen. A lot. BUT! But but but!!! However!
Some things cannot be laughed at, ever, seriously, otherwise triggering happens, and triggering is Very Very Bad. I hate when people don't take triggering seriously. For example: I was once in a group without my husband had no transportation home and everyone wanted to go see "Freddy vs Jason" in the theater. I kind of had no choice for reasons. I spent the first half of the movie with my eyes mostly closed, able to watch the non-gory scenes but silently panicking at the bloody scenes, which was a lot. I spent the last half of the movie outside, wandering the halls and the restroom, and came back in the final ten minutes, and pushed myself to watch. Lots of frantic breathing and meditation. Also, this happened when I was taken to see "My Bloody Valentine 3D" and had my eyes closed a lot, and the reason I went was because bribery and because I would have been left alone and because I loved my friends, and yes I was treated well to things afterwards but I never forgot what I saw in the theater, and I now understand that it is okay to put my foot down and refuse even if the people convincing me are my loved ones.
In conclusion, if your friend really really really really does not want to watch certain movies with you, respect that, please. Seriously.
Also, this is important. It is about Boundaries:
http://jimhines.livejournal.com/636066.html